How many times am I allowed to change career plans, again?
Why, exactly, did I think that trying to specialize in physics was a good idea? I mean, sure, money, but let's get real here -- I'm not Einstein, I'm Leonardo da Fucking Vinci. If there's anything that I always kinda knew about myself, and if there's anything that's been reinforced by finally considering and navigating my (ragingly severe) ADHD, it's that I'm not a specialist -- I'm the Platonic ideal of the Jack-of-all-trades. There are very few fields I couldn't be a mediocre professional in (anything relating to visual arts or theatrical performance is in that category), but there also really aren't that many things that I'm spectacular at. And the things in the "stuff I'm actually kinda awesome at" category are mostly things that are more meta-disciplines than disciplines (critical theory and cultural studies, anyone?). I have the opportunity to be a frustrated half-assed medical physicist...or I can take my humanities training and my science training and make my jokes about wanting to be the next Donna Haraway something more than jokes. Sure, the first option might pay better (so much better...), but I'm quite aware that the income point beyond which I'll be happier with improvements in how well my work suits me than with increases in pay is actually relatively low. And sure, I do pretty well in my physics courses compared to the actual physics majors, but my best work in the last few years has been about the interactions between science/technology/medicine and human subjectivity.
Well, my next round of grad-school applications isn't until this fall; maybe it's time to re-evaluate my priorities and apply to a range of programs both in and out of medical physics based on whether they support my goals for eventual domination of the intellectual world.
(Hey, it looks like I might be able to apply for grad school at UCSC after all...)