On the bright side? Finishing a B.S. in physics would require less than a year of coursework (equivalent to about two quarters full-time). Mostly lab courses and upper-division electives. And a chunk of it could be done through my internship. I'll probably have to commute to Riverside two days a week starting next fall (UCR is the only place accepting second-baccalaureate students anywhere near me), but I can deal with that.
I'd kinda thought that I'd start my degree collection after finishing grad school in a field that would let me make a living; I'm just getting a jump start on the process.